After you are done close reading and annotating the text, you are to use the template to compose a rhetorical precis. You are then to evaluate the precis of one peer. Your evaluation should be critical in nature and should discuss ALL parts of the precis. Everything cant be correct, so your job is to help them improve their analysis and writing by finding mistakes and discussing those mistakes in a respectful tone and manner. Your response should be a minimum of 4 sentences.
Terrianna Phillips
9/18/2016 02:16:55 am
Phillip Freneau , in the poem , To Sir Toby , illustrates the inhumane practices of the slave owners during slavery. Freneau supports his claim by first challenges the creation and practices of slavery , and acknowledging the humanity of the slaves. He then goes on to explain the wrongs and brutality of slavery. Lastly , the author outlines the torture that put on slaves by the slave owners. Freneau's purpose is to point out the mistreatment and brutality while convincing the audience that slavery was inhumane and that everyone should be treated equally. The author writes in a serious , yet passionate tone about the wrongs of slavery. This work is significant because there are not many people that who believed that slavery was not supposed to happen or that it was not right.
Kahjirah Harris @terrianna Phillips
9/18/2016 12:25:17 pm
Your claim and evidences are very weak and shallow. Your data does not show how it correlated with your claim. Therefore making them unfit for your précis. You never mentioned and audience who are they and your tone is a little childish and seems like it was thrown together. Your reasoning behind why you thought this price was significant doesn't fit at all. It doesn't explain why it was significant to you.
Terrianna Phillips @Kahjirah
9/19/2016 08:34:42 am
Yours not perfect so stop commenting now thanks!
Attis
9/19/2016 03:05:48 pm
@ Khajirah: Lets try and use more encouraging and constructive adjectives. Instead of saying that it is weak, describe what it lacks or explain how more depth can be added so that it doesn't appear shallow. Her tone can't be childish; its not a child. Give her better direction and dont forget to compliment her on something that was done right :-)
Attis
9/19/2016 03:07:35 pm
Terrianna: Her comments will make you better so she has to give them.
Kahjirah Harris (Revised)
9/20/2016 07:37:52 am
@Terrianna
@terrianna
9/18/2016 11:09:11 am
Your precis was good but your ending wasn't strong enough. You also didn't tell what YOU learned from the poem. You didn't follow the outline of the precis so your precis is incomplete. Your tone is accurate.
Khaniya Hoard
9/18/2016 11:09:51 am
Khaniya Hoard
9/18/2016 11:44:48 am
Philip Morin, in the poem,To sir Toby,claims that if there is a hell- the case is clear.Philip supports his claim by first describing the brutality the slaves are faced with. He then goes on and explains how the white slave owners do not care. He then goes on to demonstrate how the slaves are transported by sea and their living arrangements.Lastly, the author analyzes how poorly fed the slaves are. Philip Morin's purpose is to show how white christian men damaged the morale of the African slaves in order to keep them intimidated so that the slaves won't fight back and run away. The author writes in a aggravated but outraged tone for African slaves. This work is significant because this is my history. I see how bad my ancestors was treated and they did nothing wrong;just nasty white people with so much self-esteem,thinking they can get away with this kind of behavior.
Kahjirah Harris @khaniya Hoard
9/18/2016 12:18:58 pm
In your précis you stated in your claim a direct qoute from the text and did not summarize let alone give a citation for what you qouted. In your evidences of your claim, they were shallow and not giving enough detail of how they acted as data to your claim, I felt as though they were very weak. I do not agree with your audience because why would he be writing to a group of people who don't need to be reminded of what they face, I feel like the audience would be other slave owners and men and women who are clueless of how these slaves were treated. And for your tone I agree with the outraged but the aggravated part, doesn't seem fit for this poem or writing.
Terrianna Phillips
9/18/2016 12:28:15 pm
Your rhetorical precis was well thought out but YOU didn't follow the outline !!!!! You repeated "He then goes on to " twice. The last name of your author was wrong. Its actually Freneau. I think you got confused. Not saying your tone was wrong but How did you get it? Also I feel you could've reworded the way you wrote you last sentence.
Attis
9/19/2016 03:09:11 pm
Terrianna: Do not yell at Khaniya. That will not help her get better.
Kahjirah Harris
9/18/2016 12:06:06 pm
Philip Freneau, in the poem, To Sir Toby, claims that if there is a hell, slaves endured a great quantity of it on these plantations. Freneau supports his claim by first analyzing the abominable actions by slaves owners. He then illustrates the insalubrious work conditions of slave women, and children. Lastly, the author investigates the props used to control the slaves mentally and physically. Freneau's purpose is to point out how malicious the slave owners are and how disgusting slaves were treated so that slave owners and other figures of authority could reconsider their actions and view on slaves. The author writes in a condemnatory but passive tone for slave owners who treats slaves in such manner. This work is significant because it shows me how the world worked was that if you weren't this white overlord, you were property, treated worst then things people are for dinner, you were trained and chained , taught that your priority in life was to be scum, it was to be someone's donkey and horse, it is significant because it illustrated the journey of a slave and how they were nothing but money makers and if they died more could be brought in, and some were the panthers of the night catching those who tried to escape the horrid reality of someone else's nightmare.
Lunye @Kahjirah
9/18/2016 12:47:39 pm
Great Precis ! Remember to follow the outline. You have too many commas in the beginning it gave me a headache lmao . I am not the PUNCTUATION POLICE but you have a lot of missing periods like after the donkey and horse part , it should be a big fat period. Then you would Capitalize the i in IT and so on. However I like how you incorporated vocabulary they was different I had to search the words to figure it out lol. But remember punctuation is key.
Kahjirah Harris @lunye
9/18/2016 12:53:03 pm
Thank you and I know I'm not the best when it comes to punctuation. But I will definitely take your critiques and use them.
Attis
9/19/2016 03:10:34 pm
Lunye: We don't need to know that you got a headache. Caps means that you are yelling. Please don't yell at Khajirah. Thanks
Kahjirah
9/18/2016 01:08:48 pm
Also I know I have many grammatical errors and howni worded some sentences.
Aiyana Parkman
9/18/2016 09:40:13 pm
@Kahjirah
Lunye Powers
9/18/2016 12:34:34 pm
Philip Frenedu in the poem, A Sugar Planter in the interior parts of Jamaica argues that what joy, what smile, can scenes of misery bring? Frenedu supports his arguement by first explaining all the scenes of slavery. He then describes what the scenes of brutal labor look and feel like. Lastly the author compares the life of slavery to hell and explains how they are similar. Frenedu's purpose is to point out how the slaves felt in this tragic time so that people could truly understand how hard it was for people of color. The author writes in a critical yet, calm tone for other slaves. This work is significant because it expresses how unapologetic white people were to slaves, that image now reflects on how the ancestors treat white people in this day and age.
Jamecia Shakoor
9/18/2016 12:54:37 pm
@Lunye Powers
Attis
9/19/2016 03:11:55 pm
Jamaica: I appreciate the compliment in the end. I was beginning to worry
Jamecia Shakoor
9/18/2016 12:39:26 pm
Freneau, Philip Morin in the poem, To Sir Toby, argues that slavery was a manipulative and an indignant labor which mistreated slaves and filled the pockets of tyrannical plantation owners. Freneau supports his claim by first describing the shameful daily life of slaves and the paranoia that comes with being someone's property. He then illustrates their lack of food and how the haughty overseer striked fear into the slaves minds and controlled them mentally and physically. Lastly, the author explores the slaves' journey to a foreign land(America) and how when they arrived to America, they were the ghosts of their former selves. Freneau's purpose is to show the mistreatment slaves endured before they arrived and after they settled in America in order to highlight the neglection of the slaves, and to persuade plantation owners to turn a new leaf and join the fight to abolish slavery. The author writes in a wrathful but, comdemnatory tone for slave masters. This work is significant because, it illustrates the slave masters cynical behavior towards the slavesand how even their own kin would have sold them out if they were to escape the brash lifestyle that was slavery.
Jamecia Shakoor
9/18/2016 01:09:34 pm
My apologies, I made a mistake upward. Please read this revised version of my precis.
Jancy Vasquez
9/18/2016 08:22:21 pm
Your precis is very descriptive, which I like. Your were very detailed about it and you delivered it in way that is understandable and advanced. Also your vocabulary sounds great!!
Jamecia Shakoor
9/18/2016 10:56:57 pm
Majesta Mendelsohn
9/18/2016 05:40:41 pm
Freneau, Phillip Morin in the poem, To Sir Toby, argues that "If there exists a hell. - the case is clear .- Sir Toby's slaves enjoy that portion here:". Freneau supports his argument by first describing the brutal exploitation that the slaves have endured with Sir Toby. He then explains how the slaves worked to harvest food yet they are left hungry and to live in dens. Lastly, the author explains how the slaves are practically ghost of themselves after the maltreatment they come to be use to. Freneau's purpose is to show how the ruthless maltreatment of slaves isn't far from how Hell is explained to be in order to show slaveowners and pro-slavery activist how their merciless behavior is inhuman and should consider that all people should be treated equally. The author writes in an stern and disturbed tone for slaveowners and pro-slavery activist. This work is significant because it illustrates how brutally slaves were treated yet, they continued to keep hope and fight until they could finally live life freely with equal rights.
Kahjirah Harris @majesta
9/18/2016 07:30:21 pm
With your claim is a direct statement from the poem meaning it should be cited and your claim should not be a direct quote from the passage. Other than that looks good.
Jancy Vasquez
9/18/2016 08:18:27 pm
Freneau, Phillip Morin in the poem, To Sir Toby, argues that "If there exist a hell it is in Sir Toby's fields, that he is the devil among feared." Morin supports his claim by first emphasizing how demoniac Sir Toby is, how the only way for him to obtain the respect in a hesitant way is to attack his slaved and create terror among them. Then he ponders how devilish Sir Toby is by distinguishing him as "nature's plagues abound, to fret and tease, snakes, scorpions, despots, lizards, centipedes-" How Sir Toby is a detestable man who deserves nothing but the worst, sir Toby is a man who maltreats his slaves and rest assured that they are inhumane people. Lastly Morin describes how Sir Toby maltreated the slaved who also brutalizes the slaves into believing that there is no escape from the hell that is Sir Toby's fields. "The eternal driver keeps a steady eye on a black heard" Sir Toby is the man who has eyes in the back of his head, his slaves quiver when his head turns their way, because who knows if it will be their last day living, although its better than living with the devil as your neighbor nevertheless your so called owner. Morin's purpose is to deliver the cruelty that slavery brings, how Sir Toby is a prime example of what maltreatment and inhumane acts are known as. The author writes in an aggressive and in a furious Tone for Sir Toby. This work is significant because it delivers a very emotional and legitimate actions during slavery in the Caribbean. How salve owners were so anxious about slavery and they terrible acts they committed to those who didn't have a voice, who could neither fight back, otherwise their lives would be swept away in an instant. This was a very intriguing poem.
Majesta Mendelsohn
9/18/2016 08:57:29 pm
@ Jancy
Aiyana Parkman
9/18/2016 09:35:45 pm
Phillip Morin Freneau in the poem, "To Sir Toby" argues that hell is what slaves endured. Freneau supports his argument by first describing the punishments the slaves went through during slavery. He goes on to explain how slaves work so hard everyday and can't even get a decent meal and the food that they grow they can't even eat. Lastly, the author explains the slaves journey to the land and how they were ghost of the slaves before them because they are about to endure what they went through before them. Freneau's purpose is to describe the slaves mistreatment during the time of slavery so that the slave owner and other slave owners can stop and think about what they are doing and join to abolish slavery. The author writes in a disgusted stern yet calm tone for slave owners. This work is significant because it shows what slaves had to go through and how people tried their best to abolish slavery.
India A.
9/18/2016 10:21:02 pm
Hey Aiyana, you did a good job on your Rhetorical Précis. I agree that the purpose is to point of how the slaves were mistreated. Your data supports your claim, I just wish it was stronger. I also feel that you should have a more complex/stronger syntax.
Samone Christian @Aiyana
12/8/2016 06:49:14 pm
Good job but your purpose is not quite right. I don't think he wanted the slave owners to stop and think about what they were doing but more of just trying to spotlight slavery and get the word out to end it. Not have them re-evaluate and think about what they are doing. Also your tone is "disgusted stern yet calm", maybe just try using "disgusted yet serious".
India A.
9/18/2016 10:10:39 pm
Freneau in the poem, To Sir Toby, claims that slavery is another form of Hell because slave owners are “fiend" like. Freneau supports his claim by first explaining that slaves are working in the scorching sun all day but denied the luxury to eat the food they produced. He then lists the punishments slaves received such as being nailed, hung, and starved. Lastly the author explores the actuality of the slave trade by describing theany deaths that occurred on the ships along the journey. Freneau's purpose is to point out the severe plight of slavery in order to compell slave owners to realize the immoralities of their actions. The author writes in a condemnatory but passionate tone for the “fiend" like slave owners. This work is significant because it makes me note the hardships of slaves by pointing out harsh treatments they endured.
India A.
9/18/2016 10:12:34 pm
Please ignore the typo
Percie Thompson
9/19/2016 06:04:57 am
Your rhetorical précis, India, is actually pretty well pretty written for a first attempt. Other than the typeos that you pointed out yourself, you could've had a more scholarly voice if you changed some of choices of words. I do applaud you on remembering to use the "this but that" statement for the purpose. But your actually purpose should have been stronger than "just taking note of the hardships". Take the time to actually think of a better developed purpose.
Auhjulay Hickman
9/18/2016 11:44:20 pm
Freneau, Philip Morin in the poem, To Sir Toby, claims that nothing good could ever come of slavery while inquiring " What joy, what smile, can scenes of misery bring?". Freneau supports his claim by first comparing and contrasting the simularities and differences between that of Hell and the many plantations of slavery. He then lists many examples of the maltreatment that the slaves encounter upon the soil of many slave plantations. Lastly, the author explores the expedition that a slave must take in order to reach the long awaited goal of freedom. Freneau's purpose is to convince Sir Toby and other overseers to discern the maltreatment of the slaves in order to cease slavery and set those that are enslaved to freedom. The author writes in a disturbed yet passionate tone for the overseers and slave owners of any and many plantations. This is significant because most people of this time refused to avow in favor of the African American community or against the prerogative of the Caucasian in fear of the stringent punishments that may prevail upon them.
Tatyana Davis
9/19/2016 12:03:58 am
I think you did great. You used a lot of AP words. Try to work on explaining more of the claim and what he did to support it.
Attis
9/19/2016 03:13:56 pm
Tatyana: Your critique of Auhjulay's analysis is too short. You can to go line by line and critique each part.
Tatyana Davis
9/18/2016 11:59:47 pm
Philip Morin Freneau in the poem, To Sir Toby,claims that no joy or smiles can come out of this misery called slavery. Freneau supports his claim by first descriding the hell they recived as Sir Toby's slaves such as the overseers who carried whips to keep them inline. He then explains that they were taken from their homeland and brought here and forced to work under despicable conditions and treated as if they were less than animals. Lastly, the author analyzes the possible reasons of why Sir Toby would like to keep slaves as he asks him if wealth is worth the immortality. Freneau's purpose is to bring slavery to the light and advocate to people why it should be abolished in order to set the slaves free so that they may be treated equally and have a place in society as a person. The author writes in an angry but disgusted tone for Sir Toby. This work is significant because it exhibits that race does not always keep a person from feeling a certain way about something wrong.
Auhjulay Hickman
9/19/2016 12:02:49 am
@Tatyana Davis
Percie Thompson
9/19/2016 12:17:57 am
Philip Freneau in the poem, To Sir Toby, goes in detail to assert that after their capture the slaves of Guinea are forced to endure pure agony under Sir Toby's rule. Freneau supports his assertion by first describing how the slaves are dehumanized through the process of being branded, whipped, and then chained together as if they were a heard of cattle. He then goes on to list the methods of various touture slave owners would have the slaves undergo, such as being nailed to a post. Lastly, the author illustrates the image of an exhausted, malnourished pregnant woman tending to the crops under the plusing sun in an attempt to appeal to pathos. Freneau's purpose is to inform the audience of the cruelty one race could inflict upon another group of people in order to invoke the rage of the audience. The author writes in an unapologetic tone towards the tyrants who oppressed those of the African race. This work is significant because it can connect on a personal level to those of African descent, showing how our ancestors were treated as inferiors in the past and much progress we've made since then and how much we have left to go.
India A.
9/19/2016 10:22:06 am
Hey Percie, nice try on your first attempt. Your tone should be in the format of _____ but _____.
Attis
9/19/2016 03:15:40 pm
India: Lets not have petty moments. I want a critique of the analysis and not the punctuality of her submission.
Samone Christian
12/8/2016 06:43:41 pm
Phillip Morin Freneau in the poem, To Sir Toby, claims that there is a hell that still exists and Toby's slaves get a good feeling of it first hand. Freneau supports his claim by first describing how the badly abused the slaves are, "Steeps Toby's brand, and marks poor Cudjoe's breast. Here whips on whips excite perpetual fears," He then challenges the slaves masters by mocking how harsh they make the conditions for the slaves, "Food, which they cannot buy, and dare not steal; Yams and potatoes - many a scanty meal!" Lastly, the author analyzes how the slaves are brutally punished, "One to the windmill nails him by the ears, One keeps his slave in darkened dens, unfed, One puts the wretch in pickle ere he's dead." Freneau's purpose is to shine a light on slavery and get people to understand how bad they are really being treated. The author writes in a serious but critical tone for slave owners in that time period. This work is significant because even though it explains in details how bad slaves were being treated, people still said they had no proof and slavery never existed. Comments are closed.
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