After you are done close reading and annotating the text, you are to use the template to compose a rhetorical precis. You are then to evaluate the precis of one peer. Your evaluation should be critical in nature and should discuss ALL parts of the precis. Everything cant be correct, so your job is to help them improve their analysis and writing by finding mistakes and discussing those mistakes in a respectful tone and manner. Your response should be a minimum of 4 sentences.
Khaniya Hoard
10/10/2016 12:12:28 am
In the writer’s view whites oppressing African Americans is wrong.To begin the information provided by the author declares that,”freedom is somehow always conditional here.”(line 21)What is the true meaning of freedom?Is it peace,is it standing up for what you believe in,or is it what the white people want you to believe it is.Everybody have their own meaning of freedom as you can see.When black people act free they end up dead. When whites act free nothing happens to them.In fact the author articulates,” you’re free they keep telling us.But they would have been alive if they hadn’t acted so free.’(line 22) Opponents would imply that black people was acting free in the wrong way.I never knew it was a right or wrong way to act free.Is there really a way to act free?You are free in your own way and for you to have that tampered with don’t lead nowhere but to destruction.Therefore white people are the biggest hypocrites.They tell us we are free,but then kill us,enslave us,torture,and underestimate us. They feel like their superior and everyone who don’t share the same skin color is beneath them.
India A.
10/11/2016 05:49:50 pm
It is obvious to the author that the African American community should stand up for their rights, because the number of lives lost by the hands of white people is increasing rapidly. To begin, information provided by the author declares that “[police] pull a drive by on a 12 year old playing alone in the park in broad daylight, killing him on television.” (paragraph 4) There have been too many incidents like this. Innocent black people being killed, but white people going free. As far as civil rights are concerned, times have not changed from the seventeenth century to the twenty-first century. In fact the author articulates “What’s going to happen is we are going to have equal rights and justice in our own country or we will restructure their function and ours.” (paragraph 3) If black people won’t stand up for themselves, who will? If you want something done you have to do it yourself. The African American community shouldn’t just sit around waiting for the next MLK to come along. There’s a saying along the lines of “If you don’t stand up for something, you fall for everything.” Don’t wait for change, be the change. Opponents would imply that “you’re free.” Well, that is only partly the case. The other part that wasn’t considered is the lives lost by the hands of white people, which shows that we are not free. Consequently, African Americans are going to begin retaliating and fighting for equal rights and justice.
Lunye @India
10/12/2016 08:58:08 pm
Great Job India ! I could certainly hear your scholarly tone. Also I was very impressed on how well you followed the outline. I love love love the part about how you said don't wait for the next MLK , be the next MLK and that says a lot about how we are going to step up as a community. Again Good Job !
Majesta Mendelsohn
10/11/2016 09:59:21 pm
It seem obvious to the writer that the African American community needs to take a stand against the injustice in the United States. To begin, information provided by Jesse Williams, states that “realizing that a system built to divide and impoverish and destroy us cannot stand if we do” (Williams, Paragraph1). This evidence affirms that there’s a system in the United States that wants to keep the African American community down but we have to stand up against it. According to Jesse Williams, “police somehow manage to de-escalate, disarm and not kill white people everyday” (Williams, Paragraph 4). The data undoubtedly demonstrates that there is discrimination among police officers because they continue to kill hundreds of African Americans without any valid reason. Opponents would imply that “you’re free”. However they fail to see that “freedom is somehow always conditional here” you’re only free among the standards of the white suprematist that control the government. To conclude, if the African American community does not come together to fight for their equal freedom they be subjected to injustice and inequality, we can't hope someone is going to fix it for us.
Kahjirah Harris @Majesta
10/12/2016 05:45:29 pm
Hey Majesta, I would like to compliment you on your excellent scholarly tone. Your argument response was good. You followed the outline and you used your text throughout the response. Also your last sentence was good, especially since you remembered it was supposed to be in your own words. All in all wonderful job.
Samone Christian
10/12/2016 08:38:48 am
It seems obvious to the writer that there is a system built to divide and impoverish and destroy the black community. To begin, information provided by the text, declares that “police somehow manage to de escalate, disarm, and not kill white people everyday.” This evidence affirms that police officers are showing favoritism and are purposely trying to get rid of black people. Additionally, evidence from the text asserts that, “whiteness uses and abuses blacks, burying them out of sight and out of mind while extracting their culture, dollars, and entertainment like oil.” This circumstantiated the idea that police officers are trying to strip blacks of everything so they'll soon disappear and be left with nothing. Opponents would imply that, “you're free.” However, they fail to see that black people would be alive if they didn't act so...free. Overall, the system can be broken if “we learn about who we are and how we got here.”
Jancy
10/12/2016 06:55:46 pm
@SC
Kahjirah Harris
10/12/2016 05:38:33 pm
The writer affirms that black people are still being murdered in the streets and continue to be oppressed at the hands of a system built of systematic oppression. In fact, Williams articulates, " the students that are realizing that a system built to divide and impoverish and destroy us can not stand if we do" (Williams, paragraph1). This data corrobates the notion that We have become aware of this system and that it will begin to fall at the hands of black people because we will stand and tear down everything they built on our ancestors backs. According to Williams, " we're done watching while this invention called whiteness uses us, they extract our culture like oil, burying black people out of sight". This data undoubtedly demonstrates that, this system uses us for our talents abuse us with their words, while streaming every unique thing about our culture then killing us off like we never existed. (Williams, paragraph 4). Challengers would defend the notion that " we know that police somehow manage to de escalate, disarm and not kill white people everyday." These challengers would be wrong because yes more white people are killed by police than blacks. Despite the fact the population of whites is much larger than those of blacks, it is vital for the challengers to realize that the rates of blacks killed by police unjustly is very close to those of whites who have a much higher population than blacks it is illogical and unjust. The logical conclusion to this situation is that black people will not sit here and continue to live like it's the 1960's we will restructure their government and their system until they realize black lives matter.
Jancy Vasquez
10/12/2016 07:22:54 pm
In the writer's view, that police officers a very biased; they rather arrest and innocent African American than a white criminal is wrong. This is according to paragraph 2 line 3 (Jesse Williams), which states "police somehow manage to de escalate, disarm and not kill white people everyday" this demonstrate that police officers are voiding to kill white people, but they believe that killing African Americans is common. Similarly how African Americans are fighting for their right till this day. Opponents would imply that everyone in this country is free and everyone obtains their natural rights, "But freedom is somehow always conditional here" however others fail to see that. Many people struggle to obtain the freedom they have fought for. African Americans did not fight in all these wars to live this lifestyle. They have fought for their rights, but for the reason being that their skin is a different color they are less then and do not deserve their freedom. I believe that they should be getting for what they fought for. Obviously this country has several problems that need to be solve imminently, otherwise history will repeat itself, and i believe that once was enough.
Samone @Jancy
12/8/2016 07:03:48 pm
Good job on your argumentive response!! Your words and sentence structures are in a very professional tone and style to where it's easy to read. I like the ratio of your personal opinions and the factual evidence. Good job!!
Lunye
10/12/2016 08:52:23 pm
It seems obvious to the writer that the system upon us built to divide and to eliminate African Americans. To begin, information provided by the Jessee Williams speech, declares that “There is no tax they haven’t leveed against us and we’ve paid all of them.But freedom is somehow always conditional here”(pg.2 line 6) . This evidence affirms that we are doing all we can and paid all our debts to be apart of this country we were brought to and made slaves in ,but we have yet to achieve the main goal which is to just be free. We have fought and fought for freedom and it has yet to be given to us but in all we deserve to be free. In fact, Jessee Williams articulates how they are extracting our culture, dollars and entertainment as if we are rare black oil. The data undoubtedly demonstrates that they are using and stealing our creations but yet are ghettoizing and gentrifying our genius and trying to make them out to be their own. Opponents would imply that we are simply “dedicating our lives to getting money”(pg.2 line 2) . However, they fail to see that this being used for our escape plan if we ever needed one to get out of this glorifying country that seem to not enjoy African American people being here. Clearly, the evidence and actions proves that we are still fighting for freedom, and something has to be done about it.
Terrianna Phillips
10/12/2016 11:53:23 pm
Hey Lunye, I feel that you had a great text based argument. I agree with your claim but I got something a little different . Can you please explain to me your train of thought for why you chose that as your claim? Also , I loved your data , and explanations.
Aiyana Parkman
10/12/2016 11:26:52 pm
It seems obvious to the writer that the black community should come together as a community and stand up for their rights. According to the Jesse Williams BET speech, "Now, what we’ve been doing is looking at the data and we know that police somehow manage to deescalate, disarm and not kill white people everyday. So what’s going to happen is we are going to have equal rights and justice in our own country or we will restructure their function and ours(Pg 1 lines 6-7)." This evidence explains that police somehow are able to cooperate with whites but not with blacks. So William's tells the audience to fight for our equal rights than if we don't get it we will restructure their communities and ours. In fact, Jesse Williams articulates, "Now the thing is, though, all of us in here getting money – that alone isn’t gonna stop this. Alright, now dedicating our lives, dedicating our lives to getting money just to give it right back for someone’s brand on our body when we spent centuries praying with brands on our bodies, and now we pray to get paid for brands on our bodies(pg. 2 line 1-2)" This evidence explains how we work hard everyday to get money than give it to a brand yet during slavery we were branded. Why should we give our money to the whites when they don't care about us? Why not give it to our black owned businesses? Opponents would imply that they are working hard to have expensive things. However, they don't understand that they are contributing to businesses that may racial profile blacks. Such as Home Depot, Tommy Hilfiger and Mountain Dew. We will be better as a community when we support our black businesses. Such as Ford and @hgcapparel (a business on instagram)All in all if we want a difference we need to start with our community first.
Terrianna Phillips
10/12/2016 11:48:03 pm
It seems obvious to the writer that the people of the African American community are victims of inequality and and injustice in the country they helped build. To begin , Information provided by the author , declares that “ There has been no war that we have not fought and died on the front lines of.” (Williams, Page 2). This evidence affirms that we African American people fight for our country , yet still gets treated like we do not matter. In Addition , evidence from the author asserts that “ we’re done watching and waiting while this invention called whiteness uses and abuses us.” (Williams , Page 2). This circumstantiates the idea that African Americans are going through an oppression because of the white Americans that are taking advantage of the blacks and making them feel as if they are inferior because of their skin color and stereotypes put in place. Opponents would imply that “ everyone is equal .“ However as it states in the speech “ a system built to divide and impoverish and destroy us.”. That means that even though we are so called “free” we are not because there are things put in place to hold us back. All in all the African American people are not treated as equal people , yet they are treated as if they are inferior to the more “superior ” races.
Jamecia Shakoor
10/13/2016 12:09:02 am
Although most would disagree, the writer's position is to revolt against the systematic oppression in unity and in full force. According to paragraph two line three, "police somehow manage to de escalate, disarm and not kill white people everyday" and this implies that police officers often go easier on white victims while black victims are hounded like dogs. This correlates with my data because, white people have the privilege of not being racially profiled or killed for the amount of melanin in their skin. The biggest crime we the black community, will ever commit is being black. Jessie Williams articulates how "they extract our culture like oil, leaving us buried out of sight".(paragraph four) Our culture is among many that white people appropiate and they wear our history on their shoulders as though it is a child's costume. This data undoubtedly shows how, we are only pawns on the chess board yet we are not considered to be good enough for equality in the judicial system. According to the text, "we now dedicate our lives, dedicate our lives to getting money just to give it right back for someone’s brand on our body when we spent centuries praying with brands on our bodies, and now we pray to get paid for brands on our bodies(pg. 2 line 1-2)". We are controlled like marionettes by an unseen puppet master. Our minds blinded by flashy clothes and shoes when we should be worried about the hundreds of sisters and brothers being killed because they posed a threat by being black. Blacks as a whole, should work to right the wrongs that have haunted us for centuries by standing up to this broken system like when we stood against Jim Crow years ago. We need to face the music and finally rebel against the system that always favored the lighter, brighter, whiter, Americans. Comments are closed.
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