After you are done close reading and annotating the text, you are to use the template to compose a rhetorical precis. You are then to evaluate the precis of one peer. Your evaluation should be critical in nature and should discuss ALL parts of the precis. Everything cant be correct, so your job is to help them improve their analysis and writing by finding mistakes and discussing those mistakes in a respectful tone and manner. Your response should be a minimum of 4 sentences.
Khaniya Hoard
10/10/2016 12:10:58 am
Jesse Williams in the speech, Black Lives Matter, argues that “there has been no war that we have not fought and died on the front lines of.”Williams, supports his argument by first explaining that,”the activist,civil rights attorneys,the struggling parents,the families,teachers,students that are realizing that a system built to divide and impoverish and destroy us can not stand if we do.” He then demonstrates how “police somehow manage to de-escalate disarm and not kill white people everyday.”Lastly the author demonstrates how we are going to get our equal rights and justice. Williams’ purpose is to convince white people to stop oppressing blacks so that we can be unified as a country and as humans. The author writes in a mock-heroic but serious tone for the African American community. This work is significant because a lot of white policeman are killing young black men without adequate reasons. These man are receiving no justice and their murders are going home unbothered to the families,while the victim's family is suffering.
Kahjirah @Khaniya
10/11/2016 07:45:41 pm
Hey khaniya good job. I do have some critiques. I don't agree with your claim, I feel like your claim was more of a data because it was on of the things he talked about but not the Main point of the entire speech. Also your data. Should not have been pulled directly from the speech. How am I supposed to see if you understood the text if you didn't summarize your data or claim. I also don't agree with your purpose because yes he was saying that this oppression needs to stop but I don't feel that was the purpose of this speech according to the speech he talks about how, we will not let this continue to happen we will deconstruct their government and make them listen. I like your tone. Your last sentence was really good. I would like you to start bringing out your scholarly tone, we have done several of these it would be nice to see some SAT words.:)
Aiyana @Khaniya
10/12/2016 10:44:28 pm
I think that your precis was great. I of course like your claim because we worked on it together. Khajirah- Did Dr.Attis say that our claim couldn't come from the text? Also, I agree with Khajirah for your data you should have maybe explained it.
Kahjirah Harris @aiyana
10/13/2016 06:43:50 am
She said there is no problem but most of the time it shouldn't, she recommends that you dont pull directly from the text since a précis is a summary in a sense.
Terrianna Phillips
10/11/2016 02:37:01 pm
Jessie Williams in the speech , Black lives Matter, argues that if we don’t have the equal rights and justice that everyone else has in our own country then we are going to have to fight for it. Williams supports his argument by first illustrating how us African American people has been an essential asset to making America what it is today. He does that by stating that “there has been no war that we have not fought and died on the front lines of.” He then goes on to explain how us African Americans are sick and tired of watching the White Americans abuse and degrade us simply because of our skin color. Lastly , the author explains how they degrade our creations , but then go on to recreate and steal them. Williams’ purpose was to encourage the African American people in order for them to fight for their freedom , and stop being controlled and become equal. The author writes in an aggravated yet passionate tone for the activists , the civil rights attorneys , the struggling parents , the families , the teachers, and the students. This work was significant because it taught me that everything isn’t always given to us ; somethings we actually have to fight for.
Kahjirah Harris @terrianna
10/11/2016 07:58:29 pm
Excellent job. I love the scholarly tone of this précis. However I have some critiques. The way you kept saying "us African Americans" really threw off the flow of the précis. With the us it would have flowed better. I love your datas, they really do a great job at supporting your claim. Your tone is also good. This précis really showed your progress. Good job
Jamecia Shakoor
10/12/2016 07:34:52 pm
Terrionna I liked your precis very much. It was an interesting read. I want to know why you used the tone word aggravated when he was more outraged in my opinion. All in all great job. Your scholarly tone is improving.
@Jamecia
10/12/2016 11:58:17 pm
I got aggravated when he was talking about the brands and stuff because in my opinion he was feeling disappointed aggravated with his race.
Samone @Terrianna
12/8/2016 06:59:58 pm
God job on your précis!! Overall your examples and reasonings are good but your audience could be shorter and limited to just a certain group or a broad but distinctive group. Try eliminating all those people and just putting, "people who are pro black and the minorities."
India A.
10/11/2016 04:57:16 pm
Jesse Williams in the speech, Black Lives Matter, argues that black people are going to have to stand up and fight for their lives. Williams supports his argument by first illustrating the deaths and black lives that have been taken by police. He then explains that white people steal the African American community’s culture, but then murder and bury members of the African American community. Lastly the author challenges the African American community to fight for justice and equal rights. Williams’ purpose is to convince the African American community to stand up for justice so that white people will refrain from oppressing them. The author writes in a passionate but serious tone for the African American community and white supremacists. This work is significant because many black people are losing their lives by the hands of white people. In order to make a change, the African American community should fight for their rights.
Jancy Vasquez
10/11/2016 05:49:36 pm
Jessé Williams in his speech, Black Lives Matters ,argues that black lives are set in danger and that black lives are being oppressed by injustice police officers. William supports his claim by first stating that the country needs to enforce equal rights, justice, a new restructured system. Then he explains how deaths of African-American that are escalating enormously, how are policemen are carelessly taking the lives of innocent African-Americans. Lastly, Williams explains how the African-Americans are brutalized and also how their freedom is no longer free. Williams's purpose is to demonstrate the struggle and the hardship that African Americans experience for the extreme reason being that their friends and family is being slaughtered by armed White police officers, in order to explain why African Americushould fight for their given right, their natural rights. Williams writes in a passionate but hopeful tone. This work is significant because it explains how history is on the verge of repeating itself, but only in a more modern way. It's very wary seeing how innocent African Americans are being killed simply because they look a certain way, and it saddens me because I don't want to see any of my friends involved in any life threatening situations like these.
India A.
10/11/2016 05:58:49 pm
@ Jancy V.
Kahjirah Harris
10/11/2016 07:00:38 pm
Jesse Williams in the Black Entertainment Television speech, claims that America's system was built to divide us and continue to keep us subjugate. Williams' supports his claim by first analyzing how every time a white person commits a crime, police manage to diminish and disarm but in the case of many black cases it ends with a lifeless body. He then illustrates how we as black people have fought in all of the America's battles and wars but continue to pay for them, using the word "free" as a puppet. Lastly, the author, explains that white people continue to wear our culture like costumes, taking everything we built and burying us. Williams' purpose is to point out the systematic oppression in America and tell people it's still here so that we will rise up and fight against the oppressions we still face. The author writes in a empathetic but outraged tone for the black community. The work is significant, because as a young black teen, it is important that we know racism still exist and that we have to fight.
Jancy
10/12/2016 06:48:10 pm
@KJ
Kahjirah Harris @Jancy
10/12/2016 07:10:50 pm
There is a distinct difference between appreciation of black culture and appropriation of black culture. In the passage he mentions how they wear us like costumes for example cornrows and dreads and etc. Yes this country is a melting pot but culture is very important especially when white people take things from our culture and degrade us for wearing it.cultural appropriation is a huge problem and even Jesse Williams pointed it out. There is nothing wrong with someone appreciating my culture but you wearing cornrows because it is trendy is definitely not appreciation of black culture. I don't think there is a need for cultural appropriation because it already exist and I'm frankly tired of people mistaking it for appreciation. Thank you for the compliment.
Kahjirah Harris @jancy
10/12/2016 07:11:54 pm
Also. Your response is supposed to be about my précis not about my beliefs :)
Jamecia Shakoor
10/12/2016 07:58:35 pm
Hi kahjirah. Your precis was excellent. I love how articulate you were being. I agree, white people need to stop appropriating our culture like it isn't apart of our history. They treat it like a costume yet, they look blindly as one of our own is murdered in cold blood on the streets. I agree with your tones as. Overall, great precis. I can tell you're really passionate about this.
Kahjirah Harris @jamecia
10/12/2016 08:02:20 pm
Thanks bestie
Majesta Mendelsohn
10/11/2016 07:53:09 pm
Jesse Williams in the Black Entertainment Awards Speech, explains how there is a system that is trying to divide, impoverish, and destroy the African American community. Williams supports his claim by first explaining how police can de escalate, disarm, and not kill white people everyday but can’t for African Americans. He then describes how Africans Americans have been apart of history since they were brought to America yet are treated like aliens. Lastly, the author explains how people are more worried about wearing the popular brands than acknowledging the discrimination in the African American community that still occurs today. William’s purpose is to persuade the African American community to come together and stand up against unequal rights and injustice in order to stop the acceptance of racial inequality. The author writes in an passionate yet formal tone for the African American community. This work is significant because in the African American community people are more focused on what brands they’re wearing rather than how many black men and women are being killed without any consequences.
Jamecia Shakoor
10/11/2016 09:22:55 pm
@Majesta
Jamecia Shakoor
10/11/2016 09:16:39 pm
Jessie Williams in the BET awards speech argues that a system built on the systematic oppression of African Americans and also built to separate and impoverish us, can be decimated if we stand as one to overthrow our oppressors.Williams supports his claim by first stating that the systematic oppression of African Americans, holds us back from our true potential while white counterparts are sitting on a throne of privilege, so they don't have to worry about racial profiles. He then illustrates how white people steal our culture as their own yet, they are bystanders when we are being eliminated by a system that has always judged us by the color of our skin, and not by the content of our character. Lastly, the author challenges African Americans to stand up against the unjust system and to fight back not with violence but, with knowledge. The author writes in a passionate yet outraged tone for the black community.This work is significant because, black people need to wake up and not be so oblivious to the police brutality and we need to revolt against our oppressors with the knowledge of our rights and the history of our ancestors.
Kahjirah Harris @jamecia
10/12/2016 07:17:47 pm
Your précis was really good. I love your data. It made your précis flow really well. I must say my favorite data point you made was when you mentioned white privilege and cultural appropriation. Your tone is also really good. Your last sentence was spot on. You have improved very much and it is showing.
Samone Christian
10/12/2016 08:37:48 am
Jesse Williams in the speech, BET Speech, explains that a system is being built to divide and impoverish and destroy the black community. William supports his explanation by first listing some innocent black lives taken by police officers. He then challenges how people tell blacks that they're free but them acting “free” is the main reason for them getting killed. Lastly, the author illustrates how black people are being stripped of everything and put away to be invisible like they were centuries ago. Williams’s purpose is to point out how cruel blacks are being treated so that they can step up and restructure their functions and the whites. The author writes in a informative but critical tone for the black community. This work is significant because it gives the black community some motivation to go out and change and stop the cycle of the killings of innocent black lives.
Lunye @Samone
10/12/2016 09:11:02 pm
Great Job Samone ! I can hear your scholarly tone. You are growing everyday with these precis.. I like your tone words i think they describe the text specifically. I like your purpose because I think it right cause it something similar to what I got. Overall Great Job !
Terrianna Phillips
10/13/2016 12:03:40 am
Good Job Samone , Overall I feel that you did good but i feel that you could have used more complex sentence structures. Also I feel you last sentence could've been stronger. But I would like to state again that your precis was great friend!
Lunye
10/12/2016 08:49:52 pm
Jessee Williams in the speech Black Entertainment Television argues that the system in place now is designed for the african americans to divide and fail. Williams supports his argument by first analyzing the problems or things that are making us fail and divide. He then cites helpless killings that are being done to the african american community that are slowly but surely dividing us as a whole. Lastly, the author describes how they are “ burying black people out of sight and out of mind while still extracting our culture, dollars, and entertainment but still ghettoizing and demeaning our creation.” Williams purpose is to inform the African American community to open our eyes in order to see what the system is doing to us. The author writes in an empathic, but outraged tone for the black community. This work is significant because it shows that we are very aware of what they are trying to do to our people and culture but it also tells us that we need to do more and that change it soon to come, because we won't stand for this oppression and depression anymore.
Aiyana Parkman
10/12/2016 10:40:53 pm
Jesse Williams in the speech, BET speech, argues "There has been no war that we have not fought and died on the front line of." William supports his argument by first explaining who this speech is for ,such as, Tamir Rice, Sandra Bland, Eric Garner, Rekia Boyd and Dorian Hunt who are all victims of police brutality.He then illustrates how we pay for brands today but we were being branded during slavery. Lastly, the author suggest to people that do not care about our "equal rights" to don't say anything to people that do and "sit down." William's purpose is to point out the cruelty that blacks go through and to get people to actually come together and reconstruct. The author writes in an serious but agitated tone for non-supporters of the black community and to the black community. This work is significant because it shows that people still feel strong about change in the community first.
Percie Thompson
10/24/2016 06:24:55 pm
Jesse Williams in his Black Entertainment Television Acceptance speech argues that America -home of the free and land of the brave- has a conditional freedom limited to those with a certain "privilege". Williams supports his argument by first demonstrating the issue of a policemen's ability to deescalate a situation on the count of a white person but not a black person. He then lists off several names of African Americans who have fallen victim to America's faulty system called "freedom". Lastly, the author challenges the audience to stop being idle and to act on their emotions of pain and aggression. Williams purpose is to unite black America and align their actions towards the fight for true equality. The author writes in an passionate yet instructive tone towards black america. This work is significant because it portrays a distinguished young African American male calling out to his people in an attempt to unite them towards a command goal. Comments are closed.
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